I'm told that if I can get into my Surgeon's office they will squeeze me in, the next alternative being the Emergency Room. I decide that I'm in no way able to get through the building where the office is so I opt for the ER....
The usual pattern of the worst of the spasms subsiding in the morning came true again this morning so I decide I'm all for this trip to the ER. The thought of one more night like last night is more than I can bear, it's getting worse each night.
The thought of getting down the stairs and to the car and figure out how to get inside the car was pretty scarey. My ride was in a low seated car so we had me sitting high on pillows, so my knee is never higher than my hip. Wouldn't you know my own car, which sits a little higher, will not start, for the battery is dead. I have this bad habit of leaving the dome light on when I get home after dark because I use it to gather up my things, and when I open the car door, I forget about it, as that act, turns on ALL of the dome lights until I close it and walk away. The last time I drove my car was March 4 when I dropped the puppies off at Valerie's and rush home just in time for Survivor, the night before my surgery. The battery is toast by now I bet..
I had another scary ride in my wheelchair, this time DOWN the stairs. I wonder if I'll ever get used to going up and down in the chiar, but I am unable to navigate them even by hanging on to someone, so it's the only way. I carefully get seated inside the car, and the seat belt buckled. The fresh air was wonderful and the sun was shining & I was happy to be outside breathing fresh air for the 1st time in over a week. My ride to the ER was a comfortable one. We drove right inside the ER door at the hospital, and I was carefully help from inside the car into a wheelchair and into a room.
I was in and out of the ER fairly quickly, after being given a prescription for muscle relaxers and some stronger pain meds for at night when the spasms and sciatic problems hit with a vengeance. A successful mission, or so I thought....
I was also given a RX for a 4 legged cane, to help me with the tight spots, such as in my small bathroom off my bedroom. We had only gone a few blocks when I felt the strangest sensation. "That's strange, I just felt my hip move" I said. My driver went inside the medical supply facility for me and came out with the new 4 legged cane, and off we were again. I felt my hip move again, when we hit a particularly rough spot in the road. Spring thaw always makes the roads such a mess. Potholes spring up everywhere and even small cracks seem especially rough.
I was worrying about feeling my hip move so I was very aware of the manner in which I was sitting, making sure I was correctly postured, and paying close attention. A short time later, when we turned a corner.....
MY HIP BECAME DISLOCATED!!!!!!!
Talk about SCREAM. I don't think I screamed right away though, I think I was calm for a second and a half before the first wailing sounds came out of my mouth. We were only 10 minutes away from the hospital, thank God. On the way back to the ER I wonder how many people they see come in twice within one hour, sorta like a revolving door....
We pulled right into the emergency room garage again, and 2 people came out with a wheelchair. "No, I won't be able to use the wheelchair, I need a stretcher and I have no clue how we're going to get me out of this car, my hip is dislocated". Just the act of talking made the pain that much worse. I now know what Mortal pain is. There's the pain scale that goes from 1 to 10, and then there's THIS kind of pain, it's waaay off the charts.
I felt as bad for the ER attendants as I did for myself. My cries turned to screams if I so much as thought about moving. I was asked if I could move my leg, so I tried. It didn't work, it was like it was detached. I hope I didn't damage anyones hearing with my screams. I will also admit to crying out loud abd some wailing. Suddenly to top it off, I realize I have this black grease like substance all over my left hand, my face, and my light brown corduroys. The car's sunroof was open and I had reached up there and hung onto the car roof with all of my might on the return trip to the hospital. I'm not quite sure how many people were gathered around by this time trying to figure out how to get me out of the car but their numbers were growing. I felt safer when I saw the attendants that I just saw minutes earlier on my first trip, for they had previous knowledge of my condition, and they were able to convey the information to the others. I could instantly notice when they gained this new insight into my plight. Everyone took one step back for a moment to try to figure out what to do, and after discovering that the seat back goes all the way down, one attendant climbed into the car behind me and pulled me further inside, in order to get my legs to clear the doorway enough to pull me out. I was put on a stretcher and taken inside the ER and before I could say BOO, I was hooked to an IV and they began giving me Morphine. Usually, I would not take the Morphine but would ask for something else as Morphine gives me nightmares, but I'm already in a nightmare, so bring it on. They start out with a little Morphine at a time, adding more every minute or so until I can stand to have my pants removed. I tell them just to cut them off , it sounded a lot easier. At this point, the LAST thing I worried about was my clothes.
Finally, I could start to feel relief from the morphine, but I still needed more before I could move anything but my eyelashes.
A bit later I was on my way to the X-Ray and that experience was anything but pleasant, trust me. I couldn't move my dislocated leg at all, it was if it were detatched. The team of 4 in the X-Ray had to hold my legs in place for the procedure, I had to have even more Morphine for this. Thankfully, for their holding me in place the pictures came out the fist time, something finally goes right.
Of course I asked if it was dislocated but I was told I had to wait for the Dr. they were not authorized to tell me, he would soon be there. To that, I remember saying I was hoping you'd tell me that it did dislocate but that it had popped back into place. No such luck was the reply to that. SHIT, it was just the morphine doing it's job that made me think that....
Next on the scene was a partner of my Surgeon. The first thing he said was "Yes your hip dislocated and we'll have to take you up to surgery . Hopefully, we'll be able to put it back in place without opening you back up but we won't know that until we get there". I can tell you that at this point I didn't give a rip what they did to me, PLEASE just knock me out I can't take this pain!
Shortly afterward I was moved to Surgery where there was already a team waiting for
I'm happy to report that they did not have to open my leg back up, they were able to put it back in place without doing that. BIG RELIEF! I must say, that when I was able to look at my X-rays before the surgery, it was pretty dang strange looking. The new hip socket and the new ball joint were in there side by side and I could see the screws and all the new parts that were less than 2 weeks old.
I was knocked out for only about a half an hour and before too long I was taken to a room that had a view of lake Superior, and I was given enough pain meds that for the first time in over 6 months I barely felt any pain. It was wonderful and I was exhausted from not being able to sleep for days, and as soon as I closed my eyes I drifted off into a peaceful sleep. No muscle spasms, maybe I'm over with that, I thought....
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March 19 Friday
My peaceful sleep was rudely interrupted by the sharp sciatic nerve, accompanied by the muscle spasms that brought me to the ER in the first place. So much for sleep. At least I got a couple of hours in before the debilitating pain returned. Even the Morphine, combined with 2 Lortabs didn't seem to phase it in the least. Add 2 sleeping pills, still just as bad. This is some serious pain and even though coming here caused me to dislocate, I was glad I had come, for if I were still sitting at home I would certainly have been driven mad by this point.
It was another long ass night of pain and no sleep, although a groggy one. In the morning my Surgeon arrived on the scene and he ordered muscle relaxers in addition to the other meds, trying to find a combination that worked to lessen the pain. That helped lessen the pain some, but not nearly enough to the point of what I call "able to deal with". On a 1 to 10 scale, 10 being the worst, I was no less than a 9. At this point, at least I didn't feel like screaming and/or crying.
I'm confined to bed for the duration, even resorting to using a bed pan, which is a humbling experience, to say the least. It took some getting used to, that's for sure. For one thing, it's not one of those bigger more ordinary bedpans, no siree bob, not for me. Instead it was this little flat plastic container that looked more like a serving dish, except the bottom was slanted so it was deeper on one end than the other. Believe it or not, the one thing I knew would help me get some relief was something I couldn't get, a heating pad. There are no Dr. orders for a heating pad so I cannot have one. I make a note to be sure to ask my Dr. for one tomorrow. I've taken to writing down everything I need to remember to ask so when he comes I don't forget. I'm totally bedridden at this point until further notice.
I was measured for a brace that will be made special just for me to wear, that will keep my hip in place so it won't dislocate again. Now that it's happened, and it made some room inside for a place to go, it's very vulnerable to a repeat dislocation. No thanks, bring on the brace! I NEVER want to go through the pain that the dislocation brought on, again.
I had a room mate for a short time. Her name is long forgotten over the pain killers but I'm sure mine is not rolling off her tounge either. Anyway, she had just come from having knee surgery she told me she had asked for a private room but they said they were out of rooms. Nothing against you, lady, but I REALLY do not want a roommate. It turned out she was kind of fun to have for awhile, she told me she hoped her snoring didn't keep me awake and I told her I always lay awake at night and to pass the time I hope the TV didn't bother her but it keeps the pain off my mind some. Of course, I wouldn't have run the TV all night if it bothered her, not really, but I felt compelled to tell her that anyway. We were having a good repoire when they came to tell her they found her a private room and we bid each other farewell and wished each other luck.. One observation she told me about, since she was closer to the door, was that she had been seeing this man with a bucket and rags walking up and down the hall. Immediately that brought back the vision of the hair tie, the bandages and the filth and my complaint to the Patient advocate. I told her of my experience in the shower and she thanked me for warning her and said there was no way she was going in that shower room, and I told her I have vowed to never go in there again either... I guess my complaint must have done some good, at least it appeared so, and I hope it was so.
Sleep finally did find me about
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Actually waking as opposed to already being awake to greet the day is a good thing. I felt rested, even in that short amount of time. I've gotten pretty good at doing the bedpan thing all by myself , so I do all the work, then have the nurses empty it. I still hate the bedpan thing, even so.
Along comes the guy from the prostethic center, toting my new brace, that I fondly begin to call my "suit of Armour" that I will be wearing 24/7 for the next 6 weeks, to help keep my hip in it's place. The thought of the brace doesn't bother me in the least if it will help keep me from experiencing the pain of dislocation again. I'm hoping once I get the apparatus fitted properly, I can go home. My poor puppies need more exercise than they're going to get if I was there. They're just babies and don't understand. I also worry about my adult dogs, they know something is terribly wrong and are worried about where I am I am sure of it.
My friend Vicki and her daughter Loreli came up from Mpls to visit me today. Vicki and I have been together through thick and thin over the years and although the 150 mile distance between us and busy lives prevents us from seeing each other often, she's always been there for me when I need a friend. Vickie brought me some pillow cases with Horse embroidery sketches on them, an embroidery hoop, and different color threads. I've never embroidered before, but I figured it out and this gift turned out to be a godsend. Whenever I was stressed or unable to sleep, I'd sew away like a madwoman.
I'm getting a lot of telephone company, which has been big fun and it worked to cheer me up, talking on the phone kept my mind off my troubles and enabled me to focus on something else for a bit. I welcomed any distraction from the pain, which is still relentless, or I wouldn't be here.
I am on so many strong pain meds and yet the pain is still not under control. I am no longer in this place for the dislocation, but to get my pain level to an acceptable place, and figure out what is causing it. I wonder how in the hell I'm going to make it until June before we can do my other hip and how I am ever going to be able to make my new hip stronger as I am bedridden. This sucks.
What sucked even worse was getting the morphine machine taken away around
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March 20 Sunday
I am as depressed as a person can get. How much pain can a person take. I've reached my ropes end, I can't take it anymore. The Dr. that did the Sunday rounds added some anti-inflammatory to my list of meds, Celebrex, and Lodine by IV injection. He said I could have the Morphine pump back as a last resort, but I know I can't take that home with me and that as long as I will use it, I will not be discharged, so I leave it. It was right next to my bed and was tempting, but I knew I was better off without it.
I'm happy to report that my brace is not uncomfortable at all. If it were, I wouldn't complain either, for I know it's purpose. I'm just glad that it's more comfortable to wear than I had anticipated.
I wonder how they expect anyone in this place to get better for the slop they serve to eat at mealtimes. Basically, I grab the coffee and the juices, and if there's a piece of bread, I'll grab that off the tray and leave the rest. I'm getting mighty hungry these days and I could call people to bring me food but I would rather they concentrate their time on taking care of my house and my animals. Today when the dinner slop arrived, I took one whiff of it and almost threw up. I don't even know what it was, but when the nurse took the cover off, I told her to please put it back on and get it out of there the smell made me want to throw up. Earlier today a plate arrived with some supposedly chicken breast, with a little mashed potato and gravy, and some green beans. Besides the fact that the chicken was white and un-appealing looking, less than ΒΌ " thick, the food gets cold by the time it gets to the rooms and I'm fussy as hell when it comes to food. I took one bite of the chicken just to try and I gagged and spit it out just in time before I threw up. BLAND FOOD SUCKS, I CANNOT EAT IT!
Yesterday Vickie saved me when she brought me food and a chocolate shake. Now I understand how the Dobermans feel a need to practically ?inhale' their food. I practically inhaled the food that Vicki brought...
The night shift people should all be fired as far as I am concerned. They weren't here for 10 minutes the other night before they disconnected the Morphine machine. I am not positive but I think this is the crew with nurse ratchet on board, at least I haven't even gotten a glimpse of HER. Every single night when it's time for my pain meds, I have to call and they ignore me for no less than 1 hour to 1-1/2 hours each night, in spite of the fact that I ring my buzzer every half hour. The other shifts know what time I can have them, plainly see my need, and usually bring them without my having to ask. The day shift is also much busier than this night shift too. It pisses me off royally, I begin to hate them. Pain can sure make a person run a gamut of emotions!
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They bring in a breakfast tray and I send it back except for the weak bad tasting coffee. I'm spoiled on good strong freshly ground gourmet coffee and this taste bad, but I drink it anyway. Why do they keep bringing me eggs I wonder. I circle French toast or a pancake on the menu but I keep getting cold scrambled eggs and toast. I haven't eaten an egg since I was 5 years old, and I'm not going to start now!
I'm sitting here innocently drinking my coffee when BAM, muscle spasms are back with a vengeance. I hadn't even moved, I was just laying there watching Good Morning America.
A short time later my Surgeon walks in and says "you don't look so good", and I start bawling tears and I tell him I cannot stand this anymore, this pain is making me nuts. He adds another anti-inflammatory to the too long list of drugs I'm taking that aren't helping, and tells me he's sending me to an MRI for both my left hip and my back. He is perplexed by the pain, and is beginning to think it is coming from my back, and running down my legs, instead of my hip. We discuss another Cortisone injection in the hip socket to see if it will help. As much as I hate the thought of it, I will do anything to rid myself of the pain, even if for only one day.
Once I got back to my room I put my legs up on pillows and floated in and out of sleep. An ANGEL appeared with some wonderful spicy Bufflao Chicken and fried and a hot fudge malt. Dyam that was good. I know I've lost at least 2 sizes clothes wise by now, the pants I wore to the ER the other day showed that, but what a heck of a way to loose it, like this!
I slept the afternoon and early evening away. I ask any prospective company to please just go take care of my animals instead of wasting their time here visiting me. The valium must have relaxed the spasms, for awhile after I woke up, my legs were fine. Visions of going home danced in my head....
The nurses announced they were going to check with my Surgeon to see if I could go to the shower, I guess he had called to check in on me and was going to call back in a little while. A shower sounded so dyam great, even in that little room, I was looking forward to the possibility. The shower idea never came to fruition, that was the last I heard about that. 6 days and no hair wash. I feel terrible, even though I do a good job with the little pail and wash cloths I'm allowed each morning to clean up with.
I hate this feeling filthy..........
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March 22 Teusday
Last night was another long one. Even with cable TV most of the stations at
There's a ship far out on the horizon. The Lakers, as we fondly call the ships that said the great lakes region, started service last week already. A sure sign of spring. The Coast Guard ice Cutters have been out chopping the ice in the harbor and the strong winds of late, combines with the currents, have been floating them out to the freshwater sea.
The sunrise this morning was breathtakingly beautiful with beautiful aquamarine blue water and every shad of citrine above it.
My surgeon was here bright and early with the answers from the MRI's. We're still not sure if the pain is coming from my back, or my hip. I'm not liking the next thing but I definitely not liking things as they are now, so I'm just gonna have to be a brave soldier and do the battle.
There is Bursitis in my left hip, the one we'll remove in June. There's also herniated disks in my lower back, that is suspect for causing the awful pain. Hopefully a little trip to the surgical floor for an injection procedure will get my pain under control. We'll start first with the back, then on to doing one in my hip if that fails. I know this sounds totally stupid in light of the unbearable pain I'm in right now, but I'm scared of the injections. Buckle up little missy, bite your lip and be a brave soldier....
A Nurse and 2 student Nurses come in and figure out a way to wash my hair. They used a normal size bedpan (fresh out of a bag, not used) and a pan of warm water. It felt heavenly, I felt human again.
LATER....
This trip to the injection was way different than when I had one in my hip last fall. I took the trip in a bed to the pre-op. These people are starting to look too familiar to me, and they recognize me also. I'm starting to think this won't be as bad as my last injection, they're first going to sedate me, then numb the area with Novacaine. GREAT, I can do this. I barely felt a thing. Before I left I was told that it could take a couple of days before the injection worked fully. I have something to look forward to now....
I was taken back to my room and all I wanted was a little sleep, I've been so sleep deprived over the past 2 weeks and being mildly sedated left for an opportunity I wasn't about to pass up. As I just about fall to sleep, along comes a Physical Therapist who tells me I have to get up now and go for a walk down the hall. I tell her thee is no way I am going to get out of my bed right now, that I need to rest, I haven't slept in weeks and leave me alone, I'll walk later. She took my protests down the hall to the nurses, who I heard tell her I was given sedation so just leave me be for now, but no, she comes back in my room trying to prod me out of my bed. At this point I about bit her head off, I told her I am NOT about to get up and perform stupid people tricks for her or anyone else right now, that I am going to go to sleep and I'll walk later and to just leave me the hell alone! Performing with my
I'm getting irritated at her continued prompting to keep me from falling asleep and make me walk and now I have to go to the bathroom so I get up instead of using the bedpan, I figure if they allow me to walk, the bedpan days are over. I used the walker to take me to the bathroom and when I come out I tell her, "see, I can walk with this thing if I want to but right now I DON'T want to, all I want is a nap. I was up with pain all night and I'm tired, so go". She finally left.
About 2 minutes later, an RN comes in to tell me if the pain is under control, my Surgeon said I can be released! I tell her it feels much better, you haven't heard me sking for pain meds in a few hours now have you?
And, that was it, I was getting discharged. I couldn't have been happier at that moment. I arrive home about